Question: Dear Emma, I've been dating\living with this guy for a year and a half and i just moved out because he hit me and has been getting very agressive the last month or so...he didnt try and stop me from moving out...i really care about him and want to work things out but im scared he wont beable to change..what do i do

T. in WI

What's there to think about, he hit you? Moving out was exactly the right thing to do, it means you can take a hint. He hit you and didn't try to prevent you from moving out, sounds like the messasge was pretty clear from where I'm sitting. The fact that you don't mention whether or not he wants you back is telling me that he has moved on. Stop thinking about this piece of crap. If you go back to him, you are telling him it's ok to hit you even if you tell him it's not. Look deep inside yourself and find some self esteem girl. Once you do you won't have to worry about attracting trash like this. If a man ever hits you again, you have two options. You can call the cops, or the next day you can find the possession he treasures the most and destroy/sell it. You should be the treasure in his life and if he doesn't appreciate you then he doesn't get to appreciate the meaningless things in life either. Regardless of your choice always make the decision to pack your things and move on.

Question: Dear Emma, Emma, I am in a committed relationship with a woman now for many years, because I've been divorced, I told her that we would not get married, she was OK with that. Now after several years, it seams as thou she is hoping I will change my mind. I really don't want to, but I also don't want to loose her. In a recent trip back to her home town, she met up with an old boyfriend and wants to go back out there again to see him again. Have I lost her?

D in GB

I don’t know how much you know about women, but our grand prize usually involves marriage and kids, unless you are very rich and she is willing to forego those dreams for a large home and random trips around the world. Women can be very patient. In all likelihood, she has dismissed your claims of not wanting to be married as merely an opinion on the subject.

An “opinion” is something that women believe is flexible and open to interpretation. It is figured that it is only a matter of time before she will let you know what your opinion on the topic is. When she goes to visit her ex-boyfriend, she is subtly letting you know that you are not the only option out there for her. I would guess that she is attempting to prompt you to step up to the plate. The bottom line, however, is communication. Rather than assuming what the other is thinking, it would be healthy to sit down and have an honest conversation. If it is determined that your dreams don’t match, it is time to go down your separate roads rather than waste more time trying to change one another into someone that you are not.

Many times in situations similar to your's, it can all be summed up in a few of Billy Joel's lyrics, “Oh, and she never gives out and she never gives in, She just changes her mind.”

Because women are like traffic lights….their minds are always changing and you can never tell if they’re saying stop, go, or slow down. The only thing you can do is buckle up and yield when possible. And when all else fails, jump from the moving car.

Question: Dear Emma, My problume is i try to talk to women but im to shy and affraid of rejection...should i just wait for them to talk to me or should i suck it up and just take a chance? P.from wausau

P. in WI

Women can smell fear in you like a tiger can. If you are projecting fear, they are not going to approach you. It is a fine line, but confidence is VERY attractive in a man. It may take practice to approach women in a comfortable manner. Perhaps you could get some family or friends to allow you to practice making small talk with them (disclaimer: in some states it would be beneficial for you to explain that to them ahead of time so they don’t interpret you as hitting on them).

You only need about 2 minutes to get a girl “hooked” so use it wisely. Keep abreast of current events and use it to engage others or notice oddities in the world and bring it up casually in conversation (i.e. “did you know that you can get the air temperature by listening to how many times a cricket chirps in 15 seconds and add 37?”). These strange facts tend to prompt a response. Use that time to lean in closely and maximize your body language to insure that she is aware of your interest. Take the risk and reap the benefits, if even for a night.